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| SANITY MAINTENANCE: Help! I've Lost My Identity! ~ by Candela Martinez |
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Help! I've Lost My Identity!
Copyright 2007 by Candela Martinez
Have you been there? That place where your lunch order is always the
same, your hairstyle hasn’t changed in years, TV programs involve a lot of animated
characters, and people only recognize you when associated with a child or spouse.
If this sounds familiar, you are the victim of identity theft.
Its time to find yourself again.
Not long ago, I went through a period of dissatisfaction and depression.
I did'nt know what I wanted out of life. In many conversations, my mother told me to
find myself. Her opinion was that somewhere along the way of being a wife and
mother, I had allowed everyone else to take priority and lost my identity.
My actions and words reflected what others needed or wanted me to do
and say, not necessarily what I wanted. I loved being a wife and mother and I
gratefully accepted and even relished those roles. But, I had to agree that
sometimes I wanted to break out of the mold and do something totally for me.
So, what did I want? I knew a few things for sure. I didn't like the dark sheets
covering my living room windows (my husband’s idea), I didn't like cooking every
night, and it was time for a hairstyle change. But I had to give
myself permission to be selfish for a little while. I had to spend time on me and put
myself first every now and again. Thus, I set out on a journey into myself.
(First, I got rid of those sheets over the windows).
The most important step in regaining my identity was
identifying my personality type. A friend of mine was taking a
college psychology class, and the course identified the different personality types, so
I turned to her for help. She also was able to administer the Arno Profile System
personality test, which cost approximately $40.00, but well worth it. As I read the
results, I found tears welling in my eyes. I seemed to be reading the pages of my life.
Thank goodness, I finally made sense to me. The test concluded that I had a
Phlegmatic personality. Besides being quite stubborn, Phlegmatics have a low
energy level and like to sleep a lot. Phlegmatics also avoid confrontations. All my
bouts with withdrawal and the way I dealt with family issues all became crystal clear
to me.
When is the last time you bought a new blouse just because you wanted it? My
wardrobe was the last thing I spent money on. Hand-me-downs outnumbered my
outright purchases by three to one. I was stuck in a rut and had lost all the fun colors
and spunk in my wardrobe. Inspired by the show What Not to Wear, I hit the stores
with renewed enthusiasm for clothes shopping. I have now successfully replaced
some of the more embarrassing items such as the lime green and yellow sweatshirt
with my husband's name emblazoned across the front (He wouldn't wear it, so why
did I?). I used to despise trying on outfits and being disappointed when it didn’t fit
right. But because I took the time to find out what styles and cuts flattered my body, I
now pass over the boxy cut grandma shirts and head straight for stores that cater to
my needs. I not only look better but my friends are coming to me for
fashion advice. Just a few months ago, my son called me a “cool mom”
because I no longer wore “old people” clothes. What an improvement in
status!
Never underestimate the power of a good haircut.
In fact, I know a few times I intentionally got a new hairstyle to elicit compliments (I
chose to ignore the not-so-flattering comments). Just last month, I tried something
new by highlighting my brown hair with light blond streaks. I still don't recognize my
reflection in the mirror but everyone says the ‘new do’ fits my personality. Don’t be
afraid to try something new. Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
As the color stylist said while she highlighted my hair, “if you don’t like it, we can
cover it.” And these are the days of hair extensions, so unless you shave your head
bald, you can have long hair again in no time.
Weight has always been an issue for me. Blame it on heredity, or a desk job. I’ve
used both excuses. But there is hope for all of us. I found that by simply
reducing the amount of food I consumed, I could lose weight and still enjoy small
portions of pecan pie. It did require some diligence to stay away from the vending
machine snacks. But it was well worth it. After six months of steadily slimming
down, I lost two dress sizes. My trick was to check my weight daily and only
record it when I showed a loss. That way, I didn’t get too discouraged when I hit
plateaus. With so many diets out there, I do not need to tell you what to do. But my
experience tells me that a lifestyle change makes the difference.
The idea of buying my first 'little black dress' keeps me motivated.
Find whatever motivates you and stick to it. Persistence will pay off.
The weight loss also sparked another interesting development.
Many people I did not know started coming up to me and commenting on how good I
looked. Besides the obvious head swelling, I got to meet people that I only knew as
a face in a crowd. When someone notices the improvements and takes time to
comment, it boosts your confidence. Also, it gives you the opportunity to encourage
them in some small way. I found myself taking advantage of those moments
to make new friends.
I have enjoyed my ‘selfish time.’ Not only did I find myself underneath all the many
layers, I have more friends now. I finally gave myself permission
to have a personality and to express it, even in my clothing.
Taking it easy and chillin’ out is now easier because
the pressure to please everyone else has been
released. I found I also like to make people laugh (although I’ll never be a
comedian). Ask any of my close friends and they
will tell you that I am a reformed wallflower.
And, I’ve got to say I love it.
The End
Candela Martinez
www.storycrafters.net
Copyright 2007 by Candela Martinez
Have you been there? That place where your lunch order is always the
same, your hairstyle hasn’t changed in years, TV programs involve a lot of animated
characters, and people only recognize you when associated with a child or spouse.
If this sounds familiar, you are the victim of identity theft.
Its time to find yourself again.
Not long ago, I went through a period of dissatisfaction and depression.
I did'nt know what I wanted out of life. In many conversations, my mother told me to
find myself. Her opinion was that somewhere along the way of being a wife and
mother, I had allowed everyone else to take priority and lost my identity.
My actions and words reflected what others needed or wanted me to do
and say, not necessarily what I wanted. I loved being a wife and mother and I
gratefully accepted and even relished those roles. But, I had to agree that
sometimes I wanted to break out of the mold and do something totally for me.
So, what did I want? I knew a few things for sure. I didn't like the dark sheets
covering my living room windows (my husband’s idea), I didn't like cooking every
night, and it was time for a hairstyle change. But I had to give
myself permission to be selfish for a little while. I had to spend time on me and put
myself first every now and again. Thus, I set out on a journey into myself.
(First, I got rid of those sheets over the windows).
The most important step in regaining my identity was
identifying my personality type. A friend of mine was taking a
college psychology class, and the course identified the different personality types, so
I turned to her for help. She also was able to administer the Arno Profile System
personality test, which cost approximately $40.00, but well worth it. As I read the
results, I found tears welling in my eyes. I seemed to be reading the pages of my life.
Thank goodness, I finally made sense to me. The test concluded that I had a
Phlegmatic personality. Besides being quite stubborn, Phlegmatics have a low
energy level and like to sleep a lot. Phlegmatics also avoid confrontations. All my
bouts with withdrawal and the way I dealt with family issues all became crystal clear
to me.
When is the last time you bought a new blouse just because you wanted it? My
wardrobe was the last thing I spent money on. Hand-me-downs outnumbered my
outright purchases by three to one. I was stuck in a rut and had lost all the fun colors
and spunk in my wardrobe. Inspired by the show What Not to Wear, I hit the stores
with renewed enthusiasm for clothes shopping. I have now successfully replaced
some of the more embarrassing items such as the lime green and yellow sweatshirt
with my husband's name emblazoned across the front (He wouldn't wear it, so why
did I?). I used to despise trying on outfits and being disappointed when it didn’t fit
right. But because I took the time to find out what styles and cuts flattered my body, I
now pass over the boxy cut grandma shirts and head straight for stores that cater to
my needs. I not only look better but my friends are coming to me for
fashion advice. Just a few months ago, my son called me a “cool mom”
because I no longer wore “old people” clothes. What an improvement in
status!
Never underestimate the power of a good haircut.
In fact, I know a few times I intentionally got a new hairstyle to elicit compliments (I
chose to ignore the not-so-flattering comments). Just last month, I tried something
new by highlighting my brown hair with light blond streaks. I still don't recognize my
reflection in the mirror but everyone says the ‘new do’ fits my personality. Don’t be
afraid to try something new. Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
As the color stylist said while she highlighted my hair, “if you don’t like it, we can
cover it.” And these are the days of hair extensions, so unless you shave your head
bald, you can have long hair again in no time.
Weight has always been an issue for me. Blame it on heredity, or a desk job. I’ve
used both excuses. But there is hope for all of us. I found that by simply
reducing the amount of food I consumed, I could lose weight and still enjoy small
portions of pecan pie. It did require some diligence to stay away from the vending
machine snacks. But it was well worth it. After six months of steadily slimming
down, I lost two dress sizes. My trick was to check my weight daily and only
record it when I showed a loss. That way, I didn’t get too discouraged when I hit
plateaus. With so many diets out there, I do not need to tell you what to do. But my
experience tells me that a lifestyle change makes the difference.
The idea of buying my first 'little black dress' keeps me motivated.
Find whatever motivates you and stick to it. Persistence will pay off.
The weight loss also sparked another interesting development.
Many people I did not know started coming up to me and commenting on how good I
looked. Besides the obvious head swelling, I got to meet people that I only knew as
a face in a crowd. When someone notices the improvements and takes time to
comment, it boosts your confidence. Also, it gives you the opportunity to encourage
them in some small way. I found myself taking advantage of those moments
to make new friends.
I have enjoyed my ‘selfish time.’ Not only did I find myself underneath all the many
layers, I have more friends now. I finally gave myself permission
to have a personality and to express it, even in my clothing.
Taking it easy and chillin’ out is now easier because
the pressure to please everyone else has been
released. I found I also like to make people laugh (although I’ll never be a
comedian). Ask any of my close friends and they
will tell you that I am a reformed wallflower.
And, I’ve got to say I love it.
The End
Candela Martinez
www.storycrafters.net